The Good Stuff

I know I’ve got one of those dang things, but where the heck is it! I always put things where I can remember their location- well, mostly anyway. I have the electrical location, the plumbing location, the hardware location, the tool location, all kinds of locations. Unfortunately all the locations are in one location- the old shed out back. The old shed out back is packed full of stuff that is too good to throw away, in my opinion anyway. Things that I may need in the future. No sense buying another one when I already have one- right? Plus, what’s the point of driving all the way into town and spending money and time to buy something I already have? I can just waste half the day trying to find the damn thing! It’s in the shed somewhere, I know it is! The old shed was neat and tidy when it came into existence, but after living in the same location for over 40 years one tends to accumulate alot of ‘good stuff’ that is too good to toss out. So much stuff that one must be careful opening the shed door so not to have all that ‘good stuff’ coming down on your head! Once inside I have to shimmy through narrow aisles between things piled to the ceiling that are too good to throw out. As I start looking for the item I want I notice many other things I was wondering what happened to. Hey, there’s that old rock tumbler and there’s that old weed whacker I was going to fix 7 years ago! Whoa, there’s those Bocce Balls I’ve been looking for! After rummaging through bunches of ‘good old stuff’ I forgot what the heck I was looking for in the first place! Oh well, at least I found the Bocce Balls! I go marching out to the front yard with my balls and the wife says “What are you doing with those balls? “You went to find me the loppers”. “Well” I said, “I’ve been looking for these balls for quite some time”. “Now that you’ve found your balls” she says “go find me the loppers”! This is when the wife gives you the ‘look’- the ‘Lopper Look’. This implies that when you find the loppers and give them to her, you better run before she lops something off of you! “I’m on it” I say, and I’m off to the shed again. I frantically look for those stupid loppers all over that shed among all that ‘good stuff’ but to no avail. I gaze at the many objects hanging from nails pounded in the wall or things stuffed onto the shelves, but no stupid loppers. ‘Maybe she might prefer a saw instead’, I ask myself aloud? ‘Don’t be stupid’ I tell myself, ‘that’s the last thing you want to hand her when she’s a bit tiffed’! ‘Now dog gone it, where are those stupid loppers’? Sheesh, now I’m talking to myself! I see some handles sticking out on the top shelf, way over my head. So I reach up and tug on them releasing a downpour of my ‘good stuff’ upon my head. ‘Ouch’ I yell, along with some other choice words, as I rub my sore head and see blood. “Well, I found the stupid lopper” I grumble. I head to the front yard and hand the loppers to my wife. “You’re bleeding” she says. “Yeah” I said “a bunch of stuff fell off a shelf and whacked me in the head”. She tosses the loppers on the ground, takes my hand, and says “let’s go patch up your head”. I’m feeling pretty good about that moment. You know, like the lopper finding hero kind of guy. Braving the dangerous cave of ‘good stuff’ to rescue the loppers for the fair maiden. Until she says, “you know I don’t really need those loppers anymore, I just dug out those roots with the shovel”. My heart sinks as I realize my conquering hero scenario is now busted. I guess I really need to organize my ‘good stuff’ in the old shed. Although, there is a bit of nostalgia when you’re digging through the history of the past 40 years in the junk you’ve collected and remember when you hauled that crap home. Kind of like an archaeologist piecing together the history of some ancient culture. Even though I’m not quite ancient yet, I’ll clean up the old shed some day, but at least for now I found those stupid loppers!